


Hold Me

by moonyy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, Kinda sad but also happy, M/M, Magnus has suffered so much he deserves love, Malec, Post 3A mid-season finale, The Institute can wait, communication is important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 23:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15083642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonyy/pseuds/moonyy
Summary: Post 3A mid-season finale. Magnus has sacrificed everything for those he loves and it's starting to be too heavy a burden to bear.





	Hold Me

A week had passed by since the battle against Lilith. A week that Alec had hoped would be full of celebration but defeating the Queen of Edom seemed to bring more misfortune than good news. True, they finally had Jace back and although it had taken longer than normal, after several iratzes and Catarina’s healing magic, he’d recovered from his fight with the Owl. Of course, he didn’t blame Jace- it was all Lilith, he’d been trapped in his own mind- but still, his parabatai bond was strained with guilt and tremendous worry from Jace’s side. Not only was he dealing with the mental repercussions of being under Lilith’s control, but now Clary had disappeared with Jonathan and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t track them anywhere. The warlocks were no help either- Lorenzo Rey had limited any help to the Shadowhunters unless the warlock community was directly threatened. And Magnus- well.

  
Alec didn’t know what to do. First, Magnus had been stripped from his title of High Warlock of Brooklyn, a position he’d been proud to have for many years, and now he’d been stripped of his magic. They hadn’t had a proper conversation since their fights, and Alec was almost afraid to sit down with him again in case they delved back into those issues left unresolved because of the battle. He loved Magnus, and he knew Magnus loved him, but it felt as though there was a glass wall separating them that Magnus refused to acknowledge.

  
It had been just another Tuesday morning when the glass finally cracked. Alec had woken up early, five o’clock, and decided to head to the institute. Work was hectic now, with Clary’s disappearance and the mystery surrounding Jonathan- not to mention he had a stack of paperwork on his desk to inform the Clave about the exact events of the battle and he had a possible official Clave hearing hanging over his head. Sighing, he slipped out of bed, carefully detangling himself from Magnus, leaving a kiss on his forehead before heading into the bathroom.

  
“Alexander. You’re leaving early,” Magnus looked up at him from the mound of red silk sheets, his cat-eyes golden and warm in the dim morning light.

  
Even though they were caught up in the stickiest of circumstances, the man in front of him never ceased to take Alec’s breath away. Without his glamour and without his magic, he was still the most beautiful, handsome person Alec had ever met. His hair falling messily across his forehead; the purple silk nightshirt he was wearing slipping off his shoulder and revealing a collarbone, the slight subconscious frown on his lips as objection to being awake at such an early hour- he may have lost his powers, but to Alec he was no less magical than he had been before.

  
“Sorry for waking you up, Mags,” Alec said apologetically, towelling his hair dry as he walked back into their bedroom towards the closet. “I just can’t seem to sleep very well, and the Institute is so busy at the moment and Jace- “

  
“Of course, Jace needs your help.”  
Oh. Alec paused, a frown on his face, as he slipped on a black shirt and turned around to face his boyfriend.

  
“What’s that supposed to mean? He’s my parabatai, Magnus. After the Owl situation and now Clary’s disappearance he’s a mess. He needs me,” Alec defended himself, threading his belt through his trousers. Magnus needed him too, of course he knew that, but he kept shutting him out and insisting he was fine, so Alec figured he just needed his own space. Whenever he accidentally snapped his fingers or flicked his wrist he would just laugh it off or pointedly ignore Alec’s concern.

  
“And I don’t?” Magnus’ eyes don’t leave his gaze, piercing right through him as if he was see-through.

  
“Of course you do Magnus! But every time I try to talk to you about stuff you say that you’re fine, when clearly, you’re not! What happened to ‘when things get crazy, don’t push me away’?”

  
“Exactly, but here you are pushing me away once again,” Magnus retorted, his voice still rough from sleep and it annoyed Alec that he adored it even though they were in the middle of yet another argument.

  
“Maybe I’m just tired of always asking you what’s wrong and never getting an answer!” Alec bit his lip, turning around to face Magnus. That wasn’t what he’d wanted to say. They were both under stress at the moment and it was so easy to turn words into weapons against each other. “Magnus, I- are you crying?”

  
Alec’s heart tightened in his chest as his eyes fell on the man he loved. Magnus’ hands were clenched firmly, gripping the bed sheets strongly as he stared blankly downcast, tears falling silently down his cheeks. Instantly, Alec was beside him, holding him close to his chest as he wept silently, rocking back and forth. He couldn’t tell how long they were sat like that, holding each other tightly as though the other was about to disappear into smoke, but Alec’s shirt became damp with tears and his mouth overflowing with whispers of love and hope for his boyfriend. After a while, Magnus shifted so that he was seated comfortably in Alec’s lap, his eyes red from crying but a gentle, yet hollow smile, on his lips as he pressed a kiss to Alec’s mouth. The Shadowhunter ran his hands softly up and down Magnus’ back in a soothing gesture before resting on his hips. He stayed silent, though his eyes spoke his love and adoration loud enough for the whole world to hear it.

  
“You’re right, Alexander,” Magnus whispered, his eyes staying fixed on Alec’s, using his name as an anchor. “I’m not okay. Being High Warlock of Brooklyn- that meant a lot to me- and when Lorenzo Rey of all people took over I felt like a failure. I am a failure. And- and now I don’t- I’ve lost my magic. I’m a warlock without magic!”

  
Magnus laughed bitterly, and Alec’s heart ached at the sound, holding tighter to the beautiful man in front of him. He was going to get Magnus his magic back, that was decided.

  
“I’m nothing! I don’t know what to do, Alec. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

  
“You’re the exact same Magnus Bane you’ve always been,” Alec answered quietly, not a single doubt in his voice. “Master of dramatic entrances, incredibly intelligent, thrower of the best parties in New York, the most handsome man I’ve ever seen and the most powerful warlock in the Shadow World.”

  
“Alexander,” Magnus let out a soft puff of air, leaning his forehead against Alec’s, “you’re extremely sweet but I don’t have my magic anymore. I don’t feel like me anymore.”

  
“I know,” Alec responded after a beat, tilting his chin so that their lips were resting against each other. “But we can work on that. And don’t you think for a second that we’re giving up on your magic. Tomorrow, we can go to the Institute and start working on a plan to get to Edom. Or we can call Catarina and ask for some advice or just stay here and search through your endless supply of books. There’s bound to be something.”

  
“Tomorrow? Why not today?” Magnus pulled away from him slightly, puzzled.

  
“Because today I’m spending time with my wonderful boyfriend and we’re going to talk about some stuff that’s been bothering us and maybe watch a movie and then I’m going to cook us dinner- “

  
“I may be having a hard time, darling, but I’m not ready to be poisoned quite yet,” Magnus interrupted, his cat eyes glinting mischievously.

  
“Hey, my cooking isn’t that bad!”

  
“On a scale from Isabelle to myself, you are dangerously close to Isabelle,” Magnus murmured, laughing lightly, although the look in his eyes remained distant.

  
“Hmph, someone thinks a lot of themselves,” Alec grumbled softly, smoothing a lock of hair out of Magnus’ eyes. “Okay, so we can cook dinner together. And even if we don’t solve all our problems today, it’s okay because we have each other, right? I’m not going anywhere.”

  
“I love you, Alexander.”

  
Those four words might not put an end to all their struggles and they might not stop the endless hordes of demons that made each day a battle, but they meant everything was okay, deep down. As long as they had each other, everything seemed a little bit more bearable.

“I love you too.”


End file.
